Self Esteem

One of the things I have been interested in lately is the idea of self esteem.  Specifically how one obtains it and how one keeps it in the face of adversity.  I work in the fitness industry, as you know, and I have encountered many women, who, after getting married and having children, seem to lose their sense of self.  This is something that has always troubled me as a fitness professional and also as a women.  I have wondered many times what happens in this transformation from a single attractive woman to an overweight, self-conscious dependent wife.  It has boggled my mind until I recently came close to ending up the same way. 

            I didn’t grow up with self esteem.  I grew up with a lot of rules to live by and breaking the rules meant that love was withheld.  I was often punished harshly for not following the rules.  I lived my early year’s consistently wondering whether I was “good enough” and whether or not I would be accepted by my peer group.

            I found myself and consequently my self esteem when I was about 28 years old.  I went through a deep troubling grief that changed me.  Because of this period in my life, I was able to really figure out who I was, what I believed and what I wanted out of life.  Sounds simple enough but it actually was life changingly difficult.   However, grievous this time was, it was worth it because I finally found myself.  (Side note, change usually only comes out of pain).

                        One of the things I found that improved my self-esteem was fitness.  The ability to control my outer appearance and lift weights felt so great.  I had no idea that I could change my body and actually feel good about myself.  However, I have noticed that in relationships, our partner’s value for us seems to decrease over time and this greatly effects our self-esteem.  Women go from being the object of desire to undesirable.  It is not done purposefully but rather due to busyness of life, children, responsibilities and sometimes just carelessness.

            I watched myself get lost on that downward spiral of self acceptance as I slowly compromised my food choices, my workouts and the little things I did for myself.  As it was happening, over the course of 3 years, it was as if I was a spectator looking through a crystal ball, knowing how it all would end but feebly unable to stop the cycle. All the while, living out what I watched other women doing.

            So now that I am on the other side of that cycle, back to my old self again, and taking control of my life, what is the lesson?  It seems obvious enough, “don’t compromise.”  For better or worse, I have kept my sense of self and it has served me well, but it has been a lonely journey because now that I know who I am, I am less willing to sacrifice and change to fit into someone else’s life.   Although, if one is to truly enter a loving relationship it is impossible not to compromise.  There must be a balance and I think I have found it.  The key is to love yourself no matter what and do the things that make you feel like a woman.  I did a little research on “finding balance between self and family” and I found women who are successful in managing their active lifestyle in fitness, family and career do so by being highly organized and prepared.  They often get up early in the morning, before everyone else wakes up to do their work out or go for a run.  They also maintain a strong set of priorities that enables them to stay on task without getting easily sidetracked.  I also noted that many women who have found success in their family and self balance have supportive husbands that help with the distribution of chores and errands.

            I know it can be done, the question is, can you love yourself enough to want more then what you currently have?  Do you want to look better then you do now?  Do you even know what it feels like to be a sexy self assured woman?  I believe God equips us with the power to become anything we wish to become.  However, if you cannot imagine yourself as anything more then you already are, you will remain as you are.  BUT…if you want more out of life and you want to transform your life from the inside out, it is possible, you just have to chose it and then be willing to follow through with the sacrifices it takes.

            Good Luck and send me your questions or comments.  I would love to hear from you!