For several years, I have worked in a male dominated industry. I have spent many hours listening to men voice their complaints about their girlfriends or wives. I have also been asked many questions from these same men about women and sex. Some like it, some do not, and most of them stop performing after marriage! In this blog I will share a couple questions I have been asked by women and my response to those questions. Men also want to know the answers to these questions, and hopefully this will show each of the sexes the opposite’s perspective. I think many people share the same thoughts and feelings but once someone enters a relationship, communication about such sensitive issues is strained.
For any woman who is married, has been married or planning to get married, SEX is an issue that is sure to be a huge one in your relationship. Often times, the issues revolving around sex almost always have a negative effect on any relationship, many of which include affairs, pornography, alcohol or drug abuse, neglect and divorce. It is my hope that the questions asked and the answers help shine a light on your situation and open up the lines of communication. Sex in a relationship is VERY VERY important. So let’s talk about it.
Q1: I am a mother of two. I am home during the day with the kids while my husband works. When he comes home from work, I leave to go to work and do not get home until 3 am. I HAVE NO TIME FOR SEX. Once a week is even too much with my busy schedule. My husband and I are in counseling right now because his sexual needs are not being met and I am tired of him hounding me all the time. When I do have extra time, I want to sleep, not have sex! What is it with men? Don’t they get it?
A: Well, if I may say, I think it is us women who don’t get it. Since the majority of homes are two income households, schedules can be difficult at best and in your situation completely opposite. However, if a woman is too busy or too tired to connect sexually with her husband, then something should change. A man’s #1 need is to mate with his wife. It is not just about sex. It is about the nature in which God made a man. He made them to need a woman. God said in Genesis that “it was not good for a man to be alone” so he created woman as a helpmate for a man. THEY NEED US ! If you have effort to be available for his sexual needs for at least two weeks and see if things don’t change between the two of you ! My guess is when he gets what he needs then you will get what you want!
Q2: My husband and I have sex a couple times a week. seems to be satisfied with that. However, I am not satisfied with the sex. I feel like I am merely an object for him to use and when he is finished, I feel even more objectified. I am starving to feel like a woman. I want to be touched and cherished and wanted, not just as a body but as a woman. My husband seems to get mad at me when I tell him how I feel.
A. You are not alone! Many and I do mean many, women feel this way but, there is hope. As much as it pains me to say this, you are going to have to go first and teach him what you want by giving him what you desire. If you want to be kissed passionately, then cuddle up next to him and start kissing him first. If you want him to massage you then roll him on his stomach and begin to massage him first. Get my drift? Most men do not know what women need from them. Furthermore, they have very little practice with tenderness. As a man, they were taught to be macho, strong, and smart. They were NOT taught to be affectionate, caring, kind, gentle and intimate. Unless they had a loving mother who taught them these things, chances are they flat out do not know “HOW” to give you what you want and need. Think about that for a minute and see if I am right. It is time for us women to go first and teach our men how to treat us in bed. If you will try it, I promise that you will have a happier marriage and when his needs are met, your needs will be met also.