Kathy Looper Christian Counseling

Kathy Looper Christian Counseling

Sunday, May 5, 2013

If only...

I have this friend who is completely awesome.  She could be the coolest girl I’ve ever met.  She has this rock star aura about her and she exudes charisma.  There is just something about her that has always drawn me to her.  It almost sounds a little romantic but it’s not. It is one soul seeing into another soul and knowing the kindness that is hidden within.

From the moment I met her, I knew she was something special.  We were both apprehensive about one another.  As girls do, we were sizing each other up and trying to decide if we could be friends.  Maybe a more accurate statement would be we were trying to decide if each of us was “cool” enough for the other.  But aside from the outward impression, my friend had an honesty about her that I have rarely seen in others.  She was always looking at me intently to see if I was real, to see if I was telling her the truth and to check for pretenses.  The crazy thing is honesty and integrity came natural for her.  I use to always talk to her about God, talk to her about men, talk to her about quitting her bad habit, but she was always content to accept herself for who she was and in many ways I admired that about her.  I see my friend as someone who can be anything she wants to be.  I believe in her ability because I see her heart and I know she has everything she needs to be a huge success in life.  Yet, she cannot see that about herself and she sees me as an eternal optimist who gets on her nerves because I am always telling her everything is going to be ok.  My friend is really struggling right now in life.  Just the other day, she told me that she was all done with everything and she needed to take a break from everything including me. She wants to be alone to figure out her next step.  My husband tells me that she doesn’t value me as much as I value her and that might be true, but, I love her as a friend no matter what and when she is ready to talk or hang out, I will be there for her.  I see her for who she is and I know she struggles like all the rest of us on this earth.
The reason I am writing about this today is because as I was thinking about her need to be absent from my life, the thought kept running through my mind, “I wish she knew how much I cared about her and I wish there was something I could do to help her through this hard time” and immediately I realized that is exactly how God must feel about us when we try to do things on our own.
I wish I could package this experience I have with God, wrapped in a bow and give it to my friend so she could know how wonderful walking with the lord truly is…but I can’t.  I want to give Jesus to her, but I can’t.  I want to show her the hope that exists in prayer, but I can’t.  I can’t do anything but love her from a distance, pray for her and wait until is ready to let me in her life again.  I wonder if God feels the same way.  I wonder how much it grieves him when we push him out of our lives because we are struggling.  I wonder all the ways he wants to help us in our time of need but we don’t let him.

I run into people all the time who are hurting, who are struggling with life’s challenges and I always leave those experiences wishing I could just give them Jesus.  It is never about being better then someone else, it’s really about knowing where my hope comes from and wishing others could experience the same hope I have.
 Living a Christian life does not mean we has it all together.  It doesn’t mean there will not be problems.  It doesn’t guarantee a marriage will last and it doesn’t mean success will come.   Living a Christian life means that when trouble comes, when relationships fail, when our heart is broken and when the money is gone, I still have hope because God is with me.  He loves me in a way I can’t understand but I can definitely feel.  God is always there for us, even when we walk out on him, even when we deserve the consequence of our actions and even when we push him away.  God waits.
If only I could give Jesus away to those who need hope, but I can’t.  I can only love… and pray… and wait.  If only…..

Kathy Looper, MA MFTi

Kathy Looper, MA MFTi
Marriage & Family Therapist